I know... I am a sinner, a hypocrite and I might also be a fasik. That is what I defined myself because I may seem nice, alim and a practising muslimah but in actual fact I am none other than a sinner.
Who often times forget to repent but I've got to say Alhamdulillah because HE never forgets to open up my mind and give me hidayah.
Ya Allah thank you.
Assalammualaikum hahaha I've become too dramatic I immediately forgot to give Salam ;)
What about the title, amirah?
Well the title is about how I am in awe with girls who wears the hijab of 60 width (bidang 60). I, as a girl, would often find these girls not only pretty but brave to potray islam eventhough some of them might be like me. A repenting sinner.
I have a dream.. A dream to dress up like them. Wear a 'bidang 60' hijab, jubah and sneakers and then go out and dakwah in character. Alhamdulillah Allah had provided me a part time job with good allowance that will insyaAllah help me to achieve this dream of mine.
But day by day I'm haunted with the thought that I am not suited to wear such cloth because in truth, I am a really weird girl who often act randomly and do crazy posses and also very gedik (improper) and loud. So I am worried that I would still act like this even when I am wearing this type of cloth and I AM SO WORRIED that I won't get to potray and become the modest, humble and silent muslimah I've dreamed.
Why? It is because when I don't understand something, regardless of my classmates annoying glares, I would (sometimes) never hesitate to shoot up my hand and ask a question. Even when it is an obvious question, even when people would think I am stupid for asking such question. Of course a pious and silent muslimah would wait until the class end and THEN ask the question but to me it is now or never. Plus, in my point of view doing that would only help myself and not other people.
I am loud and would often become crazy among my friends and blabber nonsense to my friends in public. I am inapproriate at times, gasping loudly and overreacting over little things. Now tell me, what would people think when seeing a girl wearing very loose clothing and yapping nonestop like a chihuahua that had just drank caffein... Not good right??
Not only my dream was blocked with that haunted thought of mine but it is also because of 'some' people who thinks I am not suit to wear such cloth. They would often say " You wanna wear like this but your attitude is like that". "No need to wear abaya laaa, such a hassle just wear loose jeans laa" and many more. Some comments are positive with a hint of sarcasm but some just knock my down :\
sometimes these people make me believe that I need to correct myself first before donning such cloth. Yet it would take a SUPER LONG TIME for me to become a pious muslimah until I wear these type of cloth. Why can't I take these garments as a little reminder for me to make sure I EARN this modesty? Why can't I just take this clothes as a step to become more pious? Allah did tell us to loosen our clothes and cover our aurah (not wrap) and lower our gaze.
InsyaAllah, insyaAllah with this type of cloth it will remind me to become more pious, more humble and more silent. Not to mention attract less men. InsyaAllah.
Therefore, regardless of what people say and what people demand and what are their point of view and what are MY OWN NEGATIVE point of view, I would not hesitate to spend my pay money to 'sadaqah' a few loose hijabs, jubah and socks to myself. Just remember Amirah to be 'sederhana'... Alamak sederhana dalam B.I ape? ooohh be moderate. Do not become pretty in the eyes of dunya but be pretty in the eyes of Allah.
May Allah, The Turner of the Hearts, turn our hearts to our religion and let our actions be considered sincerely to reach HIS mercy.
don't give up ya Habibti, dress to please Allah, dress to save your father and Danial from the HellFire and lastly dakwah people with a smile :)